Everything Has Changed

307 Words

These thoughts will kill me

Miles was acutely aware of the feeling of her hand sliding down and into his. He focused on the calming effect he got from her instead of the leaping in his chest. He felt like throwing up, but mostly because the girl that he'd had a crush on for as long as he had known her was holding his hand in a crowded mall. Like a normal guy and a normal girl. He nodded.

Even with as natural as it felt to hold her hand, he knew it was only because he'd been freaking out. He could feel it.

The same way he felt the truth behind her words, which was the only reason he took any comfort from them. Miles smiled at her, an automatic reaction. He was doing his best to hollow out his own feelings and to focus on hers. It was easier to fill his mind with her eased anxiety and general excitement. Being in England was a new experience and he was happy to get to feel what she did as she experienced it.

"So, where to first? And what am I supposed to do while you shop? Are you wanting my opinion or?" He'd gone shopping with Charlotte dozens of times, most of the time when it wasn't crowded and it was always easier with her. She'd come out wearing whatever she wanted to try on and all she'd have to do was look at him to tell whether he thought she looked good in it or not. If Spencer was expecting the same thing, he knew he'd be in trouble. There wasn't anything she wouldn't look good in, of that he was sure.

But I think I’ve found the light.

441 Words

These thoughts will kill me

Her dismissal relieved him on some level, but with it came more anxiety. If she didn't want his opinion, what would he be doing? Sitting there fidgeting, that is likely what he would be doing while he waited. She offered an alternative, going to the food court, which meant she wanted him to leave the store. Again he wondered what he was doing there. But he nodded, trying not to take offense or worry about the crowd that waited outside of the store.

He walked out of the store, reluctant to release her hand and did his best to shut out the wave that hit him as soon as he did. Excitement, anxiety, irritation, impatience, anger it all hit him at once and he felt like he was going to puke. She would be quick. She knew what she was looking for. Those thoughts cycled through his mind as he walked with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Miles found an empty chair just outside and decided that it was the best place for him to be. The food court was noisy and chaotic and he didn't think he could eat or drink anything without it coming up. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes briefly to focus.

All he could think of were the breathing exercises that him and Charlotte had worked on together. Of course he was used to her being there holding his hand and guiding him through it, but he knew he couldn't depend on her forever. He breathed in through his nose and out from his mouth a few times. When he opened his eyes he found someone sitting right beside him and leaning over the arm of her own chair to stare at him. Miles jumped and cleared his throat, "Uh...hi."

She smiled and leaned closer. Next thing he knew she was yammering on about something and touching his arm. While he wasn't much listening to anything she said, he took the physical contact and honed in on her emotions. What he found was both shocking and mildly terrifying. It was uncomfortably warm and gooey and he thought about backing out, but it was far more bearable than a mix of everything all at once. All he could do was nod and make noncommittal answers as he hoped to God that Spencer came to his rescue sooner rather than later. The girl reached up to touch his hair and he froze at the gesture.

But I think I’ve found the light.

279 Words

These thoughts will kill me

Miles wondered how this girl didn't pick up on the very obvious body language he gave off that he was not interested. Her hand reaching up to touch his hair could have sent him into a downward spiral. Before she could actually touch anywhere near his face, he heard Spencer's voice and his eyes shot up to her, panicking. The girl retracted her hand, thankfully, as Spencer put her bags down between them. She threw her arms around him and while it might have freaked him out before, he wasn't dense enough to believe it was anything more than her rescue plan.

He hugged her back, trying not to feel awkward. Her voice in his ear made him shiver and he glanced up at her when she moved her face close to his. Miles nodded, his eyes, he was certain, were wide and terrified. These were the moments he wished that he was smoother. That he could fib or lie effortlessly. That he could go along with her actions like they were normal, but he was frozen in place.

The girl huffed and leaned back, "You have a girlfriend and didn't say anything? What the hell dude?" All he could think to do was shrug in response and look up at Spencer with what he hoped was a smile. A dopey grin was what he could muster, which wasn't entirely fake. It was the smile he always felt himself get when he was near her. And he was very very near her.

But I think I’ve found the light.

292 Words

These thoughts will kill me

When the girl finally got the hint and walked away, he eased into the chair. It took all he had not to give everything away. That he was single, she was his biggest crush ever and that the girl just held no interest for him. That, he imagined, would not go well.He was relieved that she was gone, but disappointed that Spencer moved away from him, although he knew he couldn't be surprised. Miles chewed on the inside of his cheek and took a deep, calming breath.

"Bee. Singular. Thanks though," He glanced at her with a smile and ducked his head again as he looked back at his hands fidgeting in his lap. Of course she would find the whole thing funny, he didn't blame her. The odds of anyone approaching him had been slim, and yet, there she had been. Spencer saving him wasn't unexpected, but the way in which she had was.

She mentioned food and now that he was not quite so uncomfortable, he could feel his stomach clenching from hunger. Yeah, he could definitely go for some food. Miles looked up at her and shook his head, "No I haven't. But we should. D'you want to stay here or go somewhere else? There's a few decent places nearby." He shrugged and kept his eyes cast down. He couldn't help but relive the discomfort he felt when the girl reached for his hair. He had wished it would have been someone he actually felt attracted to. Yet, the only person he could think of was the one sitting beside him.

But I think I’ve found the light.

201 Words

These thoughts will kill me

His whole body froze when she reached up to touch his hair, but when she did touch him, he eased back and kept his eyes focused on her hand before it moved down to his cheek. She looked him in the eye and he bit his lower lip. Miles nodded, "Yeah, yeah I'm okay. Mild panic attack, nothing too horrific." He gave her a smile, wishing that he could tell her that she was the only reason he felt comfortable. But it wasn't his place to say.

Mall restaurant were terrible, he had to agree. When she turned the question on him, he laughed again a bit sheepishly. "Well, there's this one place. It's uh, it's a little weird. It's called Burger and Lobster." Saying it out loud made him feel even more ridiculous than just thinking of it, but he remembered that it was his favorite when he was younger. "It's not as gross as it probably sounds!"

He stood up and held out his hand for her, "Doesn't hurt to try right?"

But I think I’ve found the light.