|
|
|
962 posts
|
0 likes
|
|
Authored by
Nu
|
Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Nu on Apr 18, 2018 5:29:59 GMT
272 Words
|
With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar
What she got as an answer to her question was not what she expected. This was the first time since they met that Will used his own words to express his feelings instead of other's. It was heartbreaking and enlightening and all Cassidy could think was that he was a stubborn asshole on top of being an absolutely shitty friend.
She was also thoroughly aware that he was a product of circumstance. Nobody did well without a stable support system. One person did not a family make. Cassidy grew up with only one parent and that parent was more of an idea than an actual person. She loved him deeply but he was still not the support system she had needed yet he was there. While Will was abandoned by both his parents. She knew there had to be some ramifications.
"You're fucking stubborn, you know that? What have I ever done that made you think that I want anyone else?" She asked, her tone a lot harsher than she had anticipated. "I'm at a point where I don't know what else I can say to make you get it through your thick head that I love you more than anything in my life right now." Her hand went to her chest, squeezing lightly at the ache. "What I deserve is the father of this baby being here with me. That's what I know I deserve."
Cassidy turned to look at him. "Why did you have to leave? Be honest with me. Why was your first thought after hearing that you were going to be a father to leave and get drunk?"
but still all we do is fear
|
|
|
|
|
|
944 posts
|
0 likes
|
Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Trix on Apr 18, 2018 17:00:49 GMT
701 Words
|
The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
He understood her anger towards him, in fact, he wanted her to yell and scream. And if she left, well, it was everything he deserved. But given that all he was trying to do was be honest and he was getting it thrown in his face that what he said was bullshit, well, he wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to say. He could have lied and told her that he just wanted her to stay because she was a warm body. He could have said something awful that made her leave without hesitation. That was all easy to do, but being honest about his worries wasn't. And she didn't seem like she wanted to hear about them either.
Will kept his eyes on his hands even after she finished her piece. Bailey told him to fix it before she fixed his friendship with Gabriel, but this wasn't as easy as he'd hoped it would be. He at least knew Gabriel almost better than he knew himself, but he was still learning how to maneuver with Cassidy. She may have been the only girl he ever loved, but it hadn't been very long that they'd known each other. And prior to him loving her, they could hardly stand to be in the same room without a lashing from both sides. It was easy to revert back to that, it was easy to think of mean things he could say back. What was hard, was trying to think of things that would make her realize that he didn't want anyone else either and that she wasn't suffocating him.
His head dropped into his hands and he raked his fingers through his hair. He didn't know what she wanted from him. She was saying she wanted him to stick around, but he was there, he'd said he was coming back and he wasn't the one packing. His coping mechanisms were wrong, but they were also learned. If he was in a tough spot, he drank to calm himself down before the beast came out. It was easier to lull a monster to sleep when it was boozed up and that was all he'd intended to do. All he wanted was to take the edge off because being a father had scared the shit out of him. It had nothing to do with loving her less or not loving the baby at all. What kind of hypocrite would he be if he ditched his family?
"I don't know what you want me to say. I never told you I was leaving. I said I would be back and yet you still act as if I've got one foot out the door. My things aren't in a bag on the floor right now. I'm not even the angry one for the first time in my life. What d'you want me to do, hmm? You want me to lie to you when you ask me what I was going to say? I'm sorry that you don't like the things that I'm terrified of. You always want me to open up and then the moment I do, I'm fucking stubborn and what I say is a personal attack on you somehow." It was amazing that as the words came out, he managed to keep an even tone. It was true though, he wasn't angry, he didn't have it in him anymore to be angry about the situation. "I'm sorry that I left because I didn't want to shift and tear the apartment to shreds. I'm sorry that I came back drunk because it's the only coping mechanism I have. And I'm sorry that I lost my temper on the two most important people in my life because I got overwhelmed. What else is there you want me to say? To apologize for? I'll do whatever you want me to, Cassidy, but I don't know what else you want from me." By the time his ranting was over, he felt his eyes fill and he wiped at them in frustration.
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
|
|
|
|
|
|
962 posts
|
0 likes
|
|
Authored by
Nu
|
Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Nu on Apr 19, 2018 4:53:47 GMT
232 Words
|
With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar
Cassidy stood against the wall, watching Will as he finally opened up. This was what she'd been wanting him to do since she first started falling for him. He'd been so awfully guarded before that she never seemed to be able to latch on to anything substantial. She loved him for his mind, yes, but his emotions barely surfaced and that was what she wanted. He could use poetry to express how he felt but rarely did he actually use his own words. And now, he finally was and all Cassidy felt was relief.
She walked over to him and got on her knees in front of him, placing her hands on his knees and looking up at him.
"That." She said softly as her eyes started to tear. "That's what I want. You've never been vulnerable with me. There's always been a wall between us and it sucks to be on the other end not knowing how you really feel or what you really think." She leaned up and cupped his cheeks and pulled down a little to give him a cautious kiss on the lips.
"I love you Will. I don't know if I'll ever stop and that scares the fuck out of me but as long as you're willing to be scared with me, I think we can make it good." She looked into his eyes expectantly. "Don't you?"
but still all we do is fear
|
|
|
|
|
|
944 posts
|
0 likes
|
Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Trix on Apr 19, 2018 6:11:29 GMT
332 Words
|
The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
Will lifted his eyes up as she knelt in front of him. Watching her eyes fill made his heart ache. He'd screwed up so much in just a matter of hours, and in the entirety of their relationship. They'd come so far together and she'd already done so much to change him for the better. Being vulnerable just made him feel uncomfortable and awkward. As she expressed the wall that stood between them, he knew what she was talking about. It was the same wall that he kept between him and his best friend. The wall that kept him from completely making it up to his siblings for being gone for as long as he was. It was the wall that he'd built when his parents gave up on him and he found out he wasn't going to live to be thirty.
Tearing it down was a whole ordeal in itself, but dropping it for a moment to keep his relationship in tack was worth it. The last thing he wanted was to ruin their child's life before it was born and before it even got a chance to know what kind of love there was waiting for it. Will knew he wasn't going to be around long, but he knew that he was going to love their child more than he could even express which was as much as he loved Cassidy. Brushing her hair back, he placed his hand on the back of her head softly as she kissed him and he took a deep breath when she pulled back.
He wanted to think that they could make things work. He wanted to think that they could be a family even if it wasn't for long. Will stroked her hair and nodded, "I don't think I could do it with anybody else, Angel."
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
|
|
|
|
|
|
962 posts
|
0 likes
|
|
Authored by
Nu
|
Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Nu on Apr 19, 2018 9:19:49 GMT
194 Words
|
With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar
The feel of his hands in her hair and the back of her head sent shivers down Cassidy's spine. She knew she was a goner when she developed feelings for Will but now, he knew that too. And she now trusted him to not abuse that knowledge for as long as they were together.
She smiled, sighing to herself with relief when he called her by her endearment. She got up to her feet and pulled Will with her before wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest.
For a long while, they just stood there. Her thoughts from before were calmed.
When she finally pulled away, she buried her face in his shirt and kissed his chest. "I think you have to go and talk to Gabriel properly." She said. She knew they only just made peace but she didn't want any bad blood between them. Not when she was going to need everyone she had on her side once the baby was born. She wanted Gabriel to be there for Will when the time came. She knew Will needed Gabriel a lot more than he would ever admit.
but still all we do is fear
|
|
|
|
|
|
944 posts
|
0 likes
|
Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Trix on Apr 19, 2018 17:21:34 GMT
221 Words
|
The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
Will stood up with her and wrapped his arms around her torso, his hand resting on the back of her head as he stroked her hair lightly. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and breathed her in as they stood there. It didn't matter that they weren't saying anything, he was happy that she wasn't pushing him away.
The words that finally broke the moment of silence made him frown and he let out a long sigh. There was a lot that needed hashed out between him and his best friend and while Will wasn't happy with what had transpired, he wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to make it up to Gabriel. It wasn't like he could just hug him and tell him that he loved him, that wasn't how they worked. He was more difficult than Cassidy was. It wasn't as though he could say that Gabriel was probably long gone because Bailey had made sure to tell him that she'd keep his best friend there. It just seemed too soon.
Will kissed the top of her head, "I'm not really sure that'll be a fast fix."
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
|
|
|
|
|
|
962 posts
|
0 likes
|
|
Authored by
Nu
|
Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Nu on Apr 20, 2018 15:26:25 GMT
140 Words
|
With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar
She knew it wouldn't just be a quick apology and a "hug it out" moment for Will and Gabriel. Gabriel didn't love Will the way Cassidy did. While he wouldn't hold a grudge against Will, his hurt would still just build as long as Will didn't apologise. From what Cassidy knew about Bailey, however, she knew the woman would do her part in making Gabriel understand Will's side. But to what extent would she be able to control the situation so that Gabriel wouldn't just fly off the handle the next time he saw Will?
"I know." She said before looking up at Will. "I just don't think you've ruined your friendship yet." She pulled her hands up to place on his chest, patting it lightly. "Can we go and eat breakfast? You didn't even take the painkillers, did you?"
but still all we do is fear
|
|
|
|
|
|
944 posts
|
0 likes
|
Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
|
Advanced Member
|
Post by Trix on Apr 21, 2018 4:06:54 GMT
206 Words
|
The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
Giving a shrug, he stroked his thumb across her cheek, "I can't be so sure, Angel. Gabriel and I have fought plenty, but there are factors involved now that...I'm just not sure. I can't imagine he's pleased with the way I spoke to Bai, too." He wasn't even pleased with the way he spoke to Bailey. That girl was easily one of the sweetest women he'd ever met and while she could be quite terrifying, she was a good person, far more understanding than most.
Will ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead, "Breakfast sounds good. Wherever you want to go, my love." He smiled the slightest bit and rubbed the back of his neck, "And no. I didn't. The headache isn't so bad now." Which was a lie. He didn't mind the pain, mostly because he completely deserved it, but also because it was just a dull ache in the background, consistent and annoying.
His hand moved down her hair and hesitantly to her stomach, "I still can't believe we're going to be parents."
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
|
|
|
