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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Mar 29, 2018 21:06:36 GMT
314 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
With his eyes trained on Gabriel, his face twisted at his first words. He figured he deserved to suffer for his reaction, after all, that was why Gabe was even there. His reaction had been bad and now Cassidy probably wasn't speaking to him. Wonderful. However, he couldn't understand what would possess her to contact someone that he couldn't stand in that moment. She could have asked Miles to come over if she was that worried about things. It wasn't as though Miles was afraid to hit him for being an ass, he'd already done it once.
"I'll take my chances with the headache," He said sharply.
Will knew at any minute the question would come up and he wasn't sure what he planned on saying. He'd reacted badly because he wasn't even sure how to be a parent. It wasn't as though he had the greatest examples. His grandparents and uncle were the closest thing he had and even then, James was an eternal bachelor and his grandfather had died years ago. He breathed in through his nose and closed his eyes in an attempt to keep his composure. Gabriel had a way of setting him off sometimes, especially given their circumstances. He didn't need to be fighting with his best friend with his pregnant girlfriend in the next room. What was she thinking asking him here?
"Don't you have a job to get back to? Why waste your time on me? Not like I was that important before you found out I knocked up my girlfriend and reacted in a way that is actually pretty predictable for me." Will was even a little disappointed that he'd reacted in a way that everyone should have expected.
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
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Post by Nu on Mar 30, 2018 15:01:01 GMT
216 Words
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we jumped
never asking why
The hostility rolled off Will in waves and Gabriel rolled his eyes at how predictable his best friend was. He still felt guilty about leaving Will on short notice but he wasn't going to tell Will he regretted it because he wasn't. The woman in the room with Will's girlfriend was proof of that. But this was not the time.
Will's passive aggression had Gabriel palming his face before he looked again at Will through very tired eyes. "Could you stop that? You're a twenty-six year old with a baby on the way. You can't pull that crap with me anymore. I made a decision to move as an adult and I'm sorry I didn't consult you. But come on!" Gabriel leaned forward in the couch. "We've lived eleven full years together, inseparable. My decision about my life is not on trial here, man. Don't take this out on me."
He sighed softly, running his fingers through his hair. "You've got an incredible woman in that bedroom scared shitless because her life is also turned around by this new arrival. I've told her what I could to calm her down but you know nothing I could ever say would even come close to an explanation from you and that's all she needs. She needs you man."
all i wanted was to break your walls
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944 posts
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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Apr 1, 2018 5:27:44 GMT
302 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
With each sentence that he got, Will could feel his composure slipping and the rage starting to boil up and over. It was too much at that moment for him to digest and he knew that if it kept going, he was sure to explode. It didn't take long before he was set off. "You're right, your decision isn't on trial. What I'm trying to figure out is why the fuck you're here! If you're here for my girlfriend, then why are you out here with me? If I wanted your help or your opinion, I'd have called you when I found out. But I don't and I didn't. I don't need you telling me everything that I have in that room over there. I'm fully fucking aware of everything that I have."
Will could feel his hands starting to shake and he shoved them in his pockets to hide them, "For someone who claims to know me so fucking well, explain to me why you can't be a little fucking sympathetic to the fact that I'm going to ruin this kid's life? It's bad enough that I've dragged Cassidy down this road with me, this self-destructive warpath that I'm always on. What makes you think I'm capable of being a parent when I haven't seen one, solid, fully functional family?" It went deeper than that, and he almost exposed his secret in all his rage, but he bit back and took a deep breath instead in the hopes of relaxing at all.
He laughed and shook his head, "Don't tell me what she needs. Because it isn't me, it never should have been me."
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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962 posts
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Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
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Post by Nu on Apr 1, 2018 16:05:32 GMT
397 Words
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we jumped
never asking why
Gabriel let Will say what he needed to say. He was a big proponent of lashing out, especially for Will because the man bottled shit up like a pro. Although Will was also very specific and very deliberately hurtful, Gabriel knew most of what he said was just so Gabriel would either shut up or walk away, two things Gabriel was not willing to do when it came to Will. Gabriel didn't do things to hurt people, at least not intentionally.
He rolled his eyes when Will tried to take a jab at how well he knew Will. Gabriel didn't know why he had so much faith in Will. It had always been that way, even when they were younger. All Gabriel wanted to do was make sure Will didn't go down the path his parents had carved for him. Or rather, the damaged path his parents had paved that Will was more likely to fall on. Gabriel's blind optimism still prevailed despite Will's incessant need to prove him wrong. He just couldn't give up on the younger man and he didn't really know why.
"So you, of all people don't understand that you can walk away from that path. That's rich. You're stubborn as fuck, which makes you prime for doing the exact opposite your parents did but nope. You're gonna continue blaming your past for who you are now. I get it, Will. I really do. Your parents are fuck ups. They abandoned you. I get that. What I don't get is this. We're a family. Dysfunctional, yes but still family. We work together. And from what I can see from you and the woman you love, you're a family too. What makes you think that you're the only one in this? You don't have to be your parents, Will. That's the whole point of living your life. You got away. You're free from them. Why do you think you will be them?"
Gabriel sighed and shook his head. "You can't tell me that that's even your choice, mate. She made her choice to love you. To need you. You can't take that away from her. That thing inside you has been dormant because of her, whether you think that or not. You're more in control of it than you think. So don't use that as an excuse to not build a life with her."
all i wanted was to break your walls
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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Apr 2, 2018 19:43:34 GMT
496 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
Will was sick of people telling him that it was his decision to be better. He knew they were right, but the big picture painted for him led him to believe that perhaps it wasn't as much his choice as they made it out to be. What was easier? Dying at a young age without anyone being hurt by it? Or dying at a young age and hurting countless people? Will didn't want to tack on another casualty to his impending doom, the only upside was that his child would be too young to know him at all, but that came with the problem of growing up with one less parent. Cassidy was enough of a parent for both of them, but it still messed people up being down a parent.
Will's anger started getting out of control and he slammed his hand against the wall, hard. "Are we a family? Really? Because I always sort of thought I was just your charity case that you took in so that I didn't fucking kill myself! That's what it started as, right? The only reason I have anyone is because you all want to fix me. You see this angry, sadistic asshole and think that you can make a difference. Well guess what, Gabe? You fucking didn't. I'm still an angry asshole." By this point he was just trying to say anything that he could for them to see he was unfit to be a parent. They had to see it by now right? Someone with as many problems as him, even the ones they didn't know about, couldn't be a parent. Or rather, they shouldn't be one.
He was on the verge of walking out again, or maybe yelling more, but before he could make any other move, the door of his bedroom opened and he froze. Will expected Cassidy, but was surprised to see a small redhead with a look of motherly rage directed right at him, "William James Spencer, what the bloody hell is the matter with you? As if it isn't bad enough that you got pissed drunk and left your girlfriend last night, you wake up in a tizzy and scream at your best friend about killing yourself with her just in the other room!? What the fuck is that? Both of you, sit down and shut up."
Will considered leaving even more as he was berated for his behavior like he was twelve, but given who it was, he didn't test it. Bailey wasn't above cutting him. He narrowed his eyes at her and she folded her arms across her chest in a daring gesture. Eventually, he just gave up and sat as far away from Gabriel as he could. "I see how it is, bring your girlfriend for reinforcement. Hardly fair," He grumbled.
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
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Post by Nu on Apr 3, 2018 13:15:57 GMT
343 Words
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we jumped
never asking why
Gabriel looked at Will, completely dumbfounded when he started with his accusations. "Oh fuck you, Spencer. By all means, shit all over the reason why I stayed friends with you. Did you even-" He didn't get to finish his statement when Bailey came out of the room, a familiar look of rage on her face. Gabriel was still fuming and he felt like he had been stabbed in the back by Will's words but Bailey's presence quelled his emotions for a moment and he sat down, clasping his hands and resting his forearms on his knees.
Will's grumbling made him roll his eyes but he didn't say anything because he knew Bailey would smack him in the head for talking after she told them to shut up. He didn't include the fact that they hadn't talked about labels yet, nor did he mention the fact that he had brought her not as reinforcement, but as proof to both Will and Bailey that Gabriel did not take going back to Oregon, and consequently to Bailey, lightly. He was done doing things on his own.
His anger did translate to tears, however, and he felt his eyes stinging as he realised that all this time, Will only thought he was trying to fix him. He wanted to believe that Will was saying anything to get Gabriel off his back but part of him knew Will actually thought that of him. While the whole time, Gabriel clung on to Will because he'd been the only one who saw through Gabriel's exterior charm and saw the loneliness and family problems and found a kindred spirit.
Gabriel closed his eyes and tried to maintain his breathing as his hands clenched so tight it turned white. He wanted so badly to just throw punches at Will but Bailey and Cassidy's presence stopped him from doing that. Instead, he got up and walked over to the window, crossing his arms as he let his tears flow. It was too difficult to hold back now that he knew what Will thought.
all i wanted was to break your walls
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944 posts
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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Apr 5, 2018 1:52:04 GMT
529 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
Will wanted to feel bad, and he knew that later on once he was calmed down, he would. There would be a moment where all of his own words would hit him again and he'd realize that he was the biggest piece of shit there ever was. But he could only feel that way with one person at a time, otherwise, he'd leave again and this time he wouldn't come back. Cassidy and Gabriel were his people, he'd ruined them by letting them be more than just objects in his life. Even so, he knew what could hurt them and he knew that he could potentially remove himself from their lives with very little fight if he said the right thing. Based on Gabriel's reaction, he felt as though he was bordering that line.
Bailey had saved him from crossing it and he was both grateful and miffed at her for doing so.
Gabriel stood up and both Will and Bailey's eyes followed him. Instead of going to Gabriel, Bailey replaced him on the couch beside Will. Despite knowing his ability and the volatile way it could act up, she had never been afraid of Will hurting her and even in this state of mind, she definitely wasn't. Will was easily more afraid of her than she'd ever be of him. With a long sigh, she placed her hand on Will's, grabbing it so that she could hold it in both of hers. She could feel the tension in his body and she frowned, "What are you trying to accomplish here? Are you actively trying to go backwards? Because I'm looking at you and I see fifteen year old Will all over again. The boy that people wouldn't go near because he was cruel and dangerous. Not just to others...but to yourself, too."
He wanted to pull back, but she kept a tight grip on his hand. Will refused to look at her and kept his eyes down instead.
"Your girlfriend, the love of your life is carrying your child and you walk out without any words," Will opened his mouth to protest, but she shook her head and he clamped his mouth shut, letting out a heavy and irritated sigh. "She calls your best friend, the man that has been there with you when there was no one else so that you have somebody to talk to...and you throw it in his face like he's nothing." Bailey shook her head and squeezed his fingers, "You're better than that."
Will laughed harshly and this time when he pulled his hand away, she let him, "What do you know? Sorry to burst your bubble, love, but you haven't known me the last ten years. You don't have a clue who I am, so buggar off and leave me the hell alone." He stood up and took off towards the door again, ready to bail on the intervention because it was doing nothing to make him feel better about being a parent.
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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962 posts
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Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
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Post by Nu on Apr 5, 2018 18:41:52 GMT
314 Words
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we jumped
never asking why
Gabriel listened while Bailey talked Will down. The voice she used was one he remembered her using several times in their lives. It was soothing and motherly, full of wisdom and maturity beyond her years. He let the cadence of her voice wash over him while his tears slowly came to a natural stop.
Will's response let loose an anger he hadn't ever felt for anyone in a long while. He turned around and stalked over to Will, pulling him by the collar and shoving him against the door.
"Don't you fucking take your anger out on Bailey, you asshole." Gabriel breathed. "I know this is your way of making us think you're shit and hell, you are but I wasn't born yesterday, Will. This whole fucking act is old and tired. You don't get to treat us like shit just because you feel like shit. Just because you think it's better we're not in your lives, doesn't mean we're gonna let you fuck us over. You love us. I know you love us, no matter what shitty thing that comes out of your mouth. This is not how you treat the people you love, Spencer. You've got eight fucking months to sack up and be present. That's all being a parent means. Be there for Cas. Be there for your kid. That's all they fucking need. You owe them that." Gabriel shoved him against the door once more. "Please. Just be there."
Cassidy finally came out of the room and she walked over to Gabriel, pushing him away. She looked at Will, her eyes red and puffy but they were filled with a steely resolve. "Please don't make me raise this kid alone, Will. I won't do it. I'm sorry I went behind your back. I didn't know what else to do but please don't make me have one less person to love."
all i wanted was to break your walls
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944 posts
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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Apr 10, 2018 3:46:28 GMT
387 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If he were going to be honest, he was glad that Gabriel sacked up and did something about the way he spoke to Bailey. Will knew that Bailey wouldn't take it that hard, she knew just like the rest of them that he lashed out. He was annoyed by what Gabriel said though because it should be his choice whether they were part of his life or not. He'd already made the mistake of keeping Gabriel close for as long as he had. He'd made the mistake of falling whole-heartedly in love with Cassidy. And now he was paying for it.
It was one thing being talked to in that kind of way from Gabriel and even having Bailey on him, but the last straw was having the only person he'd wanted to talk to rushing him right after. His irritation had been spiked and he was starting to feel like a caged animal. He was being backed into a corner by everyone as part of this intervention and it was only making him feel more suffocated. The whole point of an intervention was to help right? This didn't feel very helpful. Will clenched and unclenched his hands a few times, trying to focus on something else. He took a deep breath and moved away from the door and the rest of them.
"I can't breathe! Do you all get that? You're suffocating the bloody fuck out of me! All I needed was space, to drink and dull the initial reaction. I needed to wake up to the love of my life so that I could talk to her about our child. I didn't need the whole fucking clan breathing down my neck about the way I reacted!" He ran his fingers through his hair his chest rising faster as he started getting more worked up. "You think I don't know?! That I don't see what I'm doing? I don't know how to be anything else!" Will wished he could snap his fingers and disappear, but there was nothing giving him that option now. "I don't know what you want from me, but clearly I can't give it to you."
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
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Post by Nu on Apr 11, 2018 4:29:44 GMT
117 Words
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With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar
Cassidy felt her heart shrivel up at Will's words. Even though he also said she was the love of his life, it didn't change the fact that her bringing Gabriel here messed everything up. She could also see Gabriel deflating and for once since she'd met him, he was speechless.
Before she knew it, Gabriel walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Cassidy winced and she stepped away from Will.
"Maybe you need some space." She bit her lower lip and turned to the bedroom, already mentally packing her things. "I made breakfast. I'll get my things and go if that's what you need." Cassidy started to move, not knowing what else to do.
but still all we do is fear
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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Apr 12, 2018 18:38:47 GMT
297 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
Will's eyes couldn't move fast enough to catch each person's reaction in time before they were all moving. Gabriel was out the door before he could reach out and grab him, Cassidy was moving towards his bedroom and Bailey was on her way to follow Gabriel. She paused beside Will and placed her hand on his shoulder, "You really know how to clear a room, William. Don't worry, I'll give you your chance to grovel." Her head tilted towards the bedroom, "That needs situated first and foremost though." She squeezed his shoulder and gave him a small smile before she was out the door as well.
She was right, of course, he'd cleared the room with very little effort. He'd succeeded in what he thought he should have done. And yet, he felt completely sick to his stomach and not just from the hangover. It was a hollow sickness, like he was completely empty and that was what made him want to throw up. Taking a deep breath, his eyes moved from the door where Bailey had left to the bedroom where Cassidy had gone. Bailey had laid his priorities out to him and he'd be stupid not to follow her instructions. Will followed after Cassidy into his room.
At first he just watched her, registering what she was doing. The masochist in him was telling him to let her continue and to let her go. But he couldn't bring himself to just stand by and watch for very long. Will came up behind her and put his hands on her arms to stop her from packing anything, "Please don't."
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
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Post by Nu on Apr 14, 2018 3:04:12 GMT
178 Words
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With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar
Cassidy realised that she didn't have any more tears to shed. She had exhausted them for the day as she grabbed her bag to start packing. Will's words still played in her mind and her anxieties only made them uglier. That he had always felt this way. That he was only with her out of pity or spite. Or both. That he had waited for this very moment to tell her that their life together had just been an elaborate April fool's prank. And it grew nastier by the second.
Despite all that, however, whenever she saw him in her mind, all she felt was love. There was no anger. It hurt even more.
She didn't hear him come up so when he touched her, she recoiled. She went to the dresser to grab her things, even though all she wanted was to run back into his arms.
"I don't want you to suffocate." She said as she threw her things in her bag. "I'm sorry that that's what I've been doing. You should have told me earlier."
but still all we do is fear
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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Apr 14, 2018 20:02:44 GMT
300 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
Having her recoil only made him pull in more. As if it wasn't bad enough that he'd just potentially screwed up his longest friendship, he also seemed to make his girlfriend hate him. Will sat on the edge of the bed slowly and his hands fidgeted in his lap. It wasn't like he knew how to do this. He'd barely made up with his siblings, he didn't know what he was supposed to say or do. Instead of forcing himself on her, he sat back quietly and watched her pack her things.
He wanted to stop her, but he couldn't force her to stay and he didn't know if she even wanted him to. The words she threw at him had his lips pressing tightly together. He hadn't meant her specifically, but there was no way to take it back now. Will chewed on the inside of his cheek and stared down at his hands, "That's not...that's not what I meant." Obviously his words now wouldn't matter, and he couldn't think of anything to say. Words were supposed to be his specialty, but there he was struggling.
"Cassidy please? I couldn't stop Gabriel from leaving and I may have just ruined my only friendship. I...I can't ruin this, too. I won't survive it," His tone was weak and he was exhausted trying to save the only relationship that he could in this moment. "I'm a piece of shit person, I'm sure we've established that. And I won't force you or push you to stay, but..." He trailed off and shook his head, it didn't matter what he did if she left.
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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962 posts
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Sept 19, 2019 9:40:59 GMT
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Post by Nu on Apr 18, 2018 2:41:28 GMT
129 Words
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With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar
Even as her bag was filling up, Cassidy knew she wasn't going anywhere. She just needed to occupy her hands. All she wanted was to curl up in Will's arms and tell him everything was okay between them. But it couldn't be denied, she was hurting.
As Will spoke, Cassidy wanted to tell him that Gabriel would sooner jump off a bridge than lose the one friend that was there for him virtually unconditionally. Gabriel may think that Will was the biggest pain in his ass but Will was his pain. Other than literally stabbing him in the back, Gabriel would forgive Will anything. But she kept quiet as she zipped her bag up and dropped it on the floor.
She leaned against the wall and sighed. "But what?"
but still all we do is fear
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Sept 17, 2019 4:43:32 GMT
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Post by Trix on Apr 18, 2018 5:08:05 GMT
409 Words
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The Monster
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
William's eyes landed on the bag as it dropped to the floor. Rather than looking at her, he figured it was safer to just look at the bag and stare at it until all of the contents spilled out or magically went back to their designated spots. It was easier to look at the bag because it was just symbol of how much he'd fucked up. If he looked at her, he'd be able to see it clear as day how much he'd fucked up. He could only take feeling so guilty. When she spoke, however, he risked a glance up at her.
It was a simple enough question, but he could only tell her half truths. If he could be honest, he'd say that if she left he'd be begging for his life to end. She couldn't know that he depended on her that much though. It wasn't healthy, the way he loved her. She was the only reason he didn't want to die anymore, which was clearly a shit thing given that Gabriel had saved him so many times before. Gabriel had made his life bearable, he'd given Will reason to live out the rest of his short life. But Cassidy had given him reason to want to live much longer than the time he was given.
"But I can't fathom living without you. I know you said you were just going to give me space because you think that's what I need, but Cassidy, if you give me space, I'm terrified that you won't come back. You'll finally realize that you can do better. You'll realize that you could find someone that would raise our baby and love it and you the way you both deserve. If you leave, I'll have ruined my life thoroughly because there's no way you'd ever come back to someone like me." His eyes had dropped while he spoke, and his eyebrows were pulled together as he glared at his hands. He hated himself for saying the things that he had, and it was sickening telling her exactly what he thought would happen. But it was all that he could think about. After leaving the way that he had after she told him, he'd given her every reason to leave and never come back.
I've turned into a monster and it keeps getting stronger
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