Redemption Part 1 - Paiges

1270 Words

Don't you tell me what you think that I could be

The banging on his door woke Dylan up almost immediately. He had been avoiding Cassidy ever since he came home without Adrian. But now, he had to face the music. “Open the door, damn it!” Cassidy’s tearful voice came from the other side. His heart broke a little as he walked over to the door and opened it.

The second the door opened, Cassidy pounded her fist on Dylan’s chest. “What did you do, Dylan? What did you say to her?” She demanded, pushing against Dylan. He stepped back but Cassidy continued her onslaught. “Why didn’t she come back with you? You did something didn’t you? Why do you keep ruining my life? It’s not enough that I have to come home every day to your face? And the moment I find someone who wanted to be my friend, you drive her away!”

Dylan kept quiet and let her continue pounding at him and yelling.

“Tell me what you did, you asshole!” She shrieked and soon enough she got tired and let her arms fall to her side. “Why isn’t she coming back, Dylan?” She asked, her eyes brimming with tears.

Finally, Dylan wrapped his arms around her and Cassidy melted into his arms, sobbing into his chest. “I hate you so much, Dylan.”

Sighing, Dylan responded. “I know.”

“God damn it, Dylan don’t do this to me!” She pushed against him weakly. “You can’t suddenly be nice to me after twenty years of just ignoring me and treating me like garbage.” Cassidy looked up at him, trying to look angry but she was just sad.

“Will you please stop being a brat for a minute and let me talk?” He asked, loosening his grip around her. She pounded a fist against his chest and let out a growl. “Fuck you.” She wriggled out of his grip and pushed him in.

He sighed and moved back to sit on the edge of his bed. Cassidy stayed where she was, her arms folded over her chest.

“I didn’t do anything, alright?” He started and Cassidy snorted and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t,” he insisted before sighing. “She thinks the best thing for her mother is for her to stay. You know her better than I do. What could I have done to make her come back with me, Cas?”

Cassidy looked like she was about to argue but when she did, she sounded half convinced. “You could have just made plans to bring them both here, Dylan.”

He wiped his face with one hand and shook his head. “What part of that would resonate well with your best friend, Cas? From what you know of her, do you think either of them would appreciate that gesture? I could have come out looking like a controlling psycho. I’m no one to them, Cas.”

She fumed. “You could have stayed!”

Dylan looked up at his baby sister wearily. “And do what, Cassidy? My life is here. My work is here. I’m just starting out with dad. You don’t understand the press-”

“The pressure of being the boss’ son? Are you really going to use that shitty excuse? We’re both in his shadows, Dylan. You know fucking well I fucking understand the pressure.”

He shook his head. “No. You got out. You don’t need to go to work every day knowing your colleagues think you’re there because of nepotism. Don’t tell me-”

Cassidy interjected once more. “Don’t give me that excuse either, damn it! My best friend is in California alone dealing with a mother who’s about to die and you can’t even be decent enough for once in your entire life to help out? Jesus Christ, Dylan. Leaving me alone wasn’t enough, was it?”

He stood up and gave out a shaky laugh. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Cassidy straightened her back and stood her ground. “You weren’t the only one who had to deal with a dead mom, Dylan.”
Dylan stopped in his tracks and stared Cassidy down.

“That’s what you do, isn’t it? Leave people alone in times of crisis? I was five, Dylan. You remember that? You were supposed to be my big brother but you couldn’t even manage that. You left me alone to deal with the guilt of being alive instead of mom.” Cassidy’s voice broke and Dylan’s heart squeezed.

“You think I didn’t know that you blamed me for mom’s death?” She laughed harshly. “You were just a selfish brat who couldn’t deal with the fact that mom died and I lived. And you blamed me for it, didn’t you?”

Dylan stared at Cassidy and stepped back when she stalked over. “Didn’t you!” She yelled.

“I needed my big brother, Dylan. I needed a rock. Instead I spent twenty years of my life killing myself over the fact that I was alive instead of mom. You didn’t think for one second that I even mattered.”

He couldn’t say anything because he knew she was right. He hadn’t thought about her all those years of just blaming her for their mother’s death. And by the time he got over himself, he was already the selfish brother Cassidy hated.

“Yeah, just stand there and do nothing. It’s what you’re best at.” Cassidy turned to leave but Dylan grabbed her hand. “Get your fucking hands off me, Dylan.”

“No.” Dylan said and she turned to him, using her other hand to slap him. “Hit me all you want, I’m not letting you go until you agree to stay and listen to me.”

He could see her mulling it over before slapping him one more time. “Let go, I’ll stay.”

When he let go, she turned to him fully. “Talk.” She said.

Dylan took a breath. “I fucked up. I know this. I knew for a while and I didn’t do anything to correct my mistakes because you’re right. I am selfish. I have no excuse for that. I didn’t think about you because I was too consumed in my own grief. And then I found out that mom died because there was a tumour in her brain.”

She held a hand up at that. “What.”

“Fuck.” Dylan rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Dad told me ten years ago that-”

Cassidy pounded on his chest. “You knew ten years ago and you didn’t tell me? What the fuck, Dylan!”

“You take that up with dad. Just listen, please.” He pleaded and he could see the tears running down Cassidy’s cheek as she fumed.

“After finding out about the cause, I knew I should have said something but I was too much of a coward to. And by then you already thought I was a fuck up and I selfishly thought that that was easier to swallow than you thinking that I was just not a good brother.

“It’s a cop out, believe me I know, but I was scared of building a relationship with you because I didn’t deserve it. I still don’t deserve it and you know it. I don’t expect you to forgive me, Cas. I really don’t. But please understand that I’m trying here. I know I fucked up and I’m trying to make amends as much as possible. But I can’t do that without you on my side.”

Cassidy gave a harsh bark of laughter. “Wow. You really think I’m going to fall for that charming act? You’re seriously delusional. I’m out of here.” She shook her head and turned to leave.

“Cassidy, you’re all I’ve got right now.”

“You never had me, Dylan.” Cassidy threw over her shoulder and slammed the door behind her.

I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea