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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 4:56:00 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong After the way things had been left when they last interacted, Callie had taken the time to promote the idea in her mind that that was it. They had agreed on something somehow. If nothing else, they could agree that being anywhere near each other was a bad idea. It resulted in things becoming way too messy. For someone who always walked with her heart on her sleeve, it was a difficult thing to really believe in. Distance always felt more poisonous. After all, that was how they got in a messed up position in the first place; she'd tried to keep her distance and it hadn't worked.
But days went by, and the dancer kept about her business as she promised she would. She didn't even see her at all, so it was working perfectly. Until there was a certain day where she caught a minor glimpse in the hallway of the college they shared. It might have been a big place, but it was bound to happen. Her eyes were always going to be drawn to the familiar. She doubted she was seen;
she didn't remember locking eyes with the set she found all-too familiar.
Calliope Gallo thought about that little moment all day. It was like it drained her senses entirely and made her utterly useless in every aspect.
It was easy to find which dorm she was living in. She really hoped it wouldn't have been, because a dead end would have stopped her in her tracks that afternoon entirely. People already knew who she was - it was always that way with her - so tracking her down was just a matter of asking the right people. She hesitated briefly when she raised a fist to knock on that door. More to the point, she used the passing seconds to brace herself for the fact that that door might actually open. And when she did knock, she lowered her hand immediately, choosing to prepare herself that though it might open, there was a high probability that it'd slam shut seconds later.
Still, she was already offering a smile. The kind she couldn't help when she caught sight of her. |
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Post by Eos * on May 2, 2017 6:13:17 GMT
{ } It wasn't that Penelope didn't want to see her. In fact, during her time away, there had been nothing else that she'd wanted to do. She'd missed holding her - heck, simply looking at the blonde had more often than not been the highlight of her day. She knew it was foolish and she knew that they were both better off simply staying away from each other. As good as their interactions could be, they usually came with more heart ache than what Penelope felt ready for.
When she heard the knock on the door, she didn't hesitate. In fact, no part of her ever believed that the person standing on the other side could be of any importance. Hadn't it all been said already? Had they not agreed not to do this anymore?
As brown eyes flickered across the all too familiar face, emotions flickered across Penelope's gaze before she was able to change her expression into neutral passiveness. For a brief moment, all she could do was stare. Take her in. All of her.
Then a sigh and she spoke, "What are you doing here?" she asked. She didn't mean for her voice to waver - for it to shake with emotion, but it was all she could do to keep herself from shouting, laughing, crying, screaming at the top of her lungs. "I was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." ulla |
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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 6:21:06 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong Callie expected a scrutinising gaze. She was always really good at giving those; the way her dark eyes would narrow a touch on a target to put them in a pit of fear. She expected some kind of aggression. She thought the door might slam so hard the residual energy would knock her back a little. These weren't the worst cases, but to Callie, they were the only cases. They mutually agreed on something far better than this, because this felt like mutual destruction. And she hadn't even said anything.
Parted lips didn't offer words. Instead, she took a breath inward, and tension filtered to her neck and jaw in an instant. She could and would keep her eyes from wavering. The best way to do that was to just not let her head move at all. Hands pressed together behind her back, fingertips interlocking and squeezing tightly. That was failsafe number two. Because it felt good to be beneath those eyes, and when she saw the way they wandered, she immediately understood the error of her ways.
"I was never..." She paused briefly, catching the wave in her counterpart's tone and feeling determined not to mirror it. "-Good at staying away." She never did learn her lesson. Standing there in the midst of a doorway, she felt like a ridiculous teenager again. Years ago she'd gotten used to turning up at this door at odd hours of the night, pleading and waiting to be seen. To be taken in. "I just wanted to say hey." Callie lied then, and even as years passed, she'd never become good at it. Unlocking her hands, she raised one to give the smallest wave.
"So," She drawled, "Hey." |
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Post by Eos * on May 2, 2017 6:28:06 GMT
{ } Again, the brunette found herself staring; not just at her eyes, but at all of her. The way her muscles tensed around her perfectly shaped jawline. The way her eyes filled with something Penelope had seen time and time again and yet couldn't really interpret. And once again, Penelope found herself wavering. As if her time away had done nothing. As if the past few years hadn't changed her at all. She felt as if they were right back to where they'd first started and wasn't that exactly what she'd been trying to avoid? To save herself from?
Still, she let her speak. Every word caressing her so gently it hurt. Licking her lips - because really, what else was could she do? Clearing her throat would be too obvious. It would only risk her emotions showing. She wanted to be strong. She had to be.
But it was so hard.
Her instincts told her to lash out. To offer the blonde nothing but a snarky remark. Hurt her feelings - the same way Penelope had felt hurt over and over again. Instead, she tilted her head until it leaned against the frame of the door. For once, Penelope was going to let the blonde carry the conversation. After all, she was the one who had sought her out. "Hey," she replied, her voice barely above that of a whisper. "I was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." ulla |
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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 6:37:25 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong Dropping her hand, Callie locked it behind her back again. Bright blue eyes dropped to the line of her mouth the second she saw her tongue break that line. The shortest exhale of air left her parted lips, and she held her own mouth closed to swallow whatever threat wanted to push past then. She couldn't possibly be this bad, anymore. She was older. She was supposed to be smarter, and restraint was supposed to be easier.
That little word, however feeble, still plucked at the corner of her mouth and dragged it upwards. Even the smallest smile still felt bright on her own face.
"The other day, I-" She started, pausing as she considered her words carefully. She didn't usually do that, but this felt imperative,
"I wanted to ask you why you're here."
Did she have a right to know? Absolutely not. Callie fully expected to be told as such. But before the opportunity arose, she continued on; "You never really seemed to like it here. I figured when you got out, you'd always stay out." She also wanted to point out that she was better than all this, but it hardly seemed like the time. |
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Post by Eos * on May 2, 2017 6:44:50 GMT
{ } Perhaps she should have expected the question. Callie had never been one for beating around the bush. At least, not that bush. It was one of the things Penelope had always enjoyed about the blonde. It was also one of the things she envied the most about her.
A light shrug came from one shoulder. She was briefly tempted to dismiss her. Though, if her life here had taught her anything, she'd know she wouldn't be able to.
She opted for the easiest answer she could possibly give. "Because this place offers free college classes," she said, eyebrows raising. Sure, she could have attended any other school, but that was besides the point. It was also better than to admit to herself that part of coming back had nothing to do with locations.
"There's a point in your life where you realize life isn't all about what you like." She couldn't quite help the harshness of her words. "I was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." ulla |
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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 6:51:24 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong Callie thought that at some point, if conversation progressed, things might have become easier. Standing in silence only let her mind wander to the absolutely obvious fact of where they were standing. The progression of these moments was much easier than the floor of an empty classroom. Raising her chin a hair, she opted to at least look like she was willing to listen to the answer given, even if she didn't believe it.
And she totally didn't believe it. Given how bad she was at controlling the expression on her face, she wondered if that was obvious to the person looking at her so intently.
Callie shrugged her shoulders as Penelope continued, letting her hands go and instead wrapping them around herself. Her fingers curled into her arms, not quite folded together but more like she needed to brace herself. She embraced herself.
"I think it's really stupid to not make life all about the things you like." Callie replied in turn, feeling her own tone cop its very own stint of harshness. |
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Post by Eos * on May 2, 2017 6:57:23 GMT
{ } Surprise colored the brunette's face as she raised her eyebrows once more at the blonde's response. This was easier, she quickly realized. With this, saying everything she'd always wanted to say, but never could, suddenly felt so much more called for.
It didn't mean Penelope didn't regret it the instance the words left her lips, though. "You would say that, wouldn't you?" she responded in turn. She wasn't sure if the regret came from the jab being uncalled for - or simply because up to this point, Penelope hadn't wanted to hurt Callie. Part of her still didn't.
Impatience colored her tone then as she made an attempt to recover. "Why are you here?" she asked again. She purposely left out the still. "I was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." ulla |
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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 7:04:35 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong Immediately after the shot, Callie opened her mouth to interject. But she quickly realised that all she thought to do was agree with her. Because yes, she absolutely would say that. It must have been clear by now that she still believed it.
Her nose crinkled at her own clear failure here. Not even a minute into a civil conversation and she was falling to pieces. Nothing had been completely buried and she highly doubted it would be. Callie had never been the type to push her feelings down and let them whither with time. That didn't work for her. She was convinced it didn't work for anyone. Why was she there. That raised the hairs on the back of her neck. She exhaled harshly; audibly in a clear sigh.
"I don't know." She replied honestly, the tone of her voice rising a hair. She'd never been particularly good at holding her emotions down.
But she could do better than that. She could give more than such a weak, useless answer. She sought pride again, but it wasn't strong;
"Maybe I think you need to just yell at me, or something. Because I think - when I saw you today - that you looked like you needed to get something off your chest. Unless you have something else going on in your life, that has to be about me." It might have pained her more to know it wasn't about her. Having some kind of hold was glorious.
And then she called on confidence to bring it home. Her shoulders squared like she might be hit in a second or so. "So go on, Pen. Give it your best shot." She reasoned, "You can't hurt me like you think you can." |
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Post by Eos * on May 2, 2017 7:13:03 GMT
{ } She didn't know. It almost made Penelope laugh. It seemed to bring everything back to full circle. It seemed to be the three words their entire history was built on. Callie didn't know. A sigh fell from the brunette's lips and all she could do was shake her head.
However, the blonde continued and once again, Penelope found herself staring at her with her eyebrows raised. This time, though, there was something else to be found in the brunette's gaze: disbelief, anger? She wasn't sure.
Then she snorted. "I don't want to hurt you," she replied. "But I find it a little bit funny that you hold yourself so highly," she continued with a drawl. She needed to keep her at a distance. What better way was there to possibly do that, than to be indifferent? Callie fed on attention. She loved to be seen. Wasn't the best punishment to deny her that?
A brief pause - a moment to collect herself, before she continued. "Whatever you think you saw. Whatever you think is going on." She looked straight at the blonde. "It's not about you." "I was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." ulla |
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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 7:29:28 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong Truthfully, Callie was as easy to read as an open book. Even as she stood there in the silence of her own offer, she looked like she was ready to be hit. She looked like she knew the worst was about to be dropped on her. She hadn't asked to be loved, or to be acknowledged, but she did so live for the feeling. She did hold herself highly. When she was called out on that, she seemed confused.
Penelope might have been right in her final blow. She was excellent at concealing whatever it was she actually felt. Callie, on the other hand, practically looked shot by the comment. It was a wonder her jaw didn't drop; purposefully, she kept her mouth shut for the first few seconds. She wanted the hit to fade, but it was never that easy.
"What was it then?" Callie challenged. She wasn't the smartest when it came to arguing, but she genuinely wondered if there was another reason instead. Or perhaps she was clever enough to have an idea already. The simple question wasn't enough to prove her scrutiny. She shot out again; "What else could you possibly be trying to avoid? Or who?"
Was there a stint of jealousy there? Definitely worth hiding, but then, she was an open book. |
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Post by Eos * on May 2, 2017 7:36:05 GMT
{ } Maybe she felt a little bit pleased by the reaction her words had gotten. It was cruel of her to take any means of pleasure in the way the blonde looked at her, but she couldn't help it. It was perhaps one of her biggest flaws; her pride.
A smile caressed the brunette's lips then. For a moment, she was tempted to point out that she didn't owe Callie an explanation. She didn't owe her anything, in fact. Instead, she opted for a version of the truth.
"Did you really think you were the only one?" she asked directly. "Did you really think that it stopped with you?" It wasn't really a lie. She had been with others since Callie, though, it hadn't been nearly as meaningful. It hadn't been anything other than an attempt to get over the blonde she'd tried to outrun so long. Of course, Penelope was aware of the fact that she made her conquests sound as if they meant a whole lot more than what they had.
But then again, it wasn't as if Penelope had any reason to feel as if she'd done something wrong. There was no reason to feel as if she'd cheated. Callie was the last person who could ever make such claims. "I was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." ulla |
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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 7:46:09 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong Looking at the smile she wore, Callie flagged it as familiar. Perhaps she didn't always receive something so ego-driven, but she'd seen it on her face enough times to know what it meant. She was in for it. Then again, she did ask for it. If she could remind herself of that, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad.
The slightest squint of her eyes had her narrowing her gaze at the question. Did she think that? It was, in honesty, at the forefront of her mind at the time. Not that she ever really believed she was the singular entity in this individuals life. She knew she didn't deserve that. She had never been held in that regard in her own life, after all. Not technically, anyway.
"Okay." She said then, stoic but with a clear fracture in her demeanour. It was her way of trying her best to look like it didn't hurt.
Rocking back a step, she let her arms fall to her side with a light shrug. Fine. Okay. As she turned to leave she told herself that she could handle that.
But then she stopped, raising a hand and glancing back at her again. "It's funny, because like-" She even offered an airy laugh to that effect, "I still love you. And like, you can talk all you want, but I feel like doing it on the floor of a classroom minutes after you see me again means you probably still love me too." She offered the thought with a strange hint of a burn, like she found herself played by her own thoughts and she was only just realising it now.
"And if you don't - I mean really don't - then you used me that day. And y'know what? I think-" Another fracture, this time in her voice, but she could bring it home; "I think that that's worse than anything you think I've ever done to you." |
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Post by Eos * on May 2, 2017 7:55:40 GMT
{ } Was she a bad person for feeling slightly relieved when Callie turned around to leave? It wasn't that she didn't want her around, because at the end of the day, Penelope wanted nothing else. But there was just so much history between them. So much pain filtered in with all the joy. Perhaps the blonde had been right. Maybe this would all have been better if Penelope could've just gotten over her pride and told her how she really felt.
But that went against her very nature. At least, now that she felt as hurt as she did.
Had this been a game of chess, then even Penelope would have to admit that Callie just got check mate. And for once, she didn't have a witty response. In fact, she didn't have anything to say. She could just stare for a moment, look at the damage her words had caused and wonder.
She didn't see a point in lying anymore. Not about that. Through gritted teeth, she exhaled. "You wouldn't be here if you believed that," she said. "Whether I love you or not doesn't matter. I'm not here for you." Part of her had come back in hopes of seeing the blonde again, sure, but she already knew it was something she'd never be able to obtain. Callie couldn't change as much as Penelope couldn't. "You couldn't give me what I wanted back then, and I don't think you can do that now either." "I was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts." ulla |
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Post by Eddie * on May 2, 2017 8:03:04 GMT
i'll keep you safe if you keep me strong It had been a very bold play. Callie didn't really consider the repercussions of her actions; she'd never been the type to hold her feelings too close to ever really use. Expressing every thought that hit her head when it came to this person was the only thing she could ever really do. She didn't lie. Not to her. That was the entire reason she felt so stuck. She should have just gone when her feet were willing to carry her, however weakly.
It forced a crease between her eyebrows when she was effectively told she couldn't change. She used the momentum of her confusion to step back to where she'd only just been. That door wasn't closed yet. She pressed a hand to it, this time, to ensure it would stay open. Her other hand reached for the frame that Penelope was leaning against, low enough not to make contact, but leave the threat of it looming all the same.
"What does that even mean?" She asked, genuinely, but she found herself wrapped by the notion of the proximity she had put in place.
She could hold her ground, though. She was pretty sure she could do this. |
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